Thursday, September 8, 2011

me + atari joystick = injured lab assistant

So I was reading this article detailing a study that found that lactating women, in a nutshell, are more aggressive than their non-lactating counterparts.

The study took a group of lactating moms, formula feeding moms, and non moms and ultimately their level of aggression was determined by how long and loudly they punished an opponent who behaved rudely to them with a blast of a sound.

Now I admit I had to stop reading there because I was laughing too hard and the words were coming out of focus. I wasn't laughing at the study, more the mental picture:

Me sitting in a crisp lab environment. Every surface is so white I look downright tan.

In front of me is sits a plain white table. On that table rests an Atari joystick (not sure why I picture that but I do).

I am told to teach my opponent, whom I just beat in a game, a lesson. My opponent has been a rude little twerp to me.

The room is dead quiet, I appear composed. I take a deep breath.

I suddenly jump on the table and screaming like a mad woman squeeze that button and throw the lever at full throttle blasting my counterpart with a deafeningly loud noise for about 3 minutes all while laughing like a mad woman.

At this point I wipe the tears from my eyes, control the laughter and wishful thinking that I could have been contacted to take part in this uber fun study, and I continue reading.

They ultimately determined that the lactators blasted twice as long and as loud as the none milky ones.

Had another giggle bought there because I was surprised that the article didn't end with "but the study was prematurely canceled when one participant attempted to beat the innocent research assistant about the head and neck with an Atari controller."

Aaaand getting me back on topic again, it got me thinking. Not only do I appear to have a teensy bit of repressed aggression, but given the thoughts I have previously shared with you regarding the full contact sport nature of breast feeding I am wondering why it is that no-one has made this connection before. Why they needed to spend, I am sure, a truck load of money to tell them what logic should have spelled out for free.

Think about it: You take a woman who's boobs inflate with fluid seemingly at random, she has to worry about leaking through all of her clothes, working on very little and interrupted sleep, has a baby that will alternately bite her like vampire while clawing her throat then smile the most angelic smile so that she cannot get angry with him/her, deny her free access to alcohol ... then put her in a lab with a person who is supposed to act rudely to her then give her the choice of how to punish them? Seriously, they didn't have any deaths as a result of this study?!

I think something got swept under the rug.

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