Thursday, August 4, 2011

what not to say

Emily Post I am not.

So when you make some kind of faux paux in social etiquette its gotta be a little glaring for me to notice. This said, I am a big supporter of using one's brain and logic in general. But, as the song goes, "the world is full of stupid people" and, somehow, I think I attract them.

Thing 2 has nasty reflux. While at the children's hospital yesterday for some tests (we aren't sure if it is just* reflux or if their is more causing his problems) I encountered someone who clearly didn't take their Logic Pill when they got up.

While preparing to feed my baby a bottle of barium I was asked if maybe all the reflux was caused by something other than genes, bad luck or a malformation of some part of his upper digestive track ...

"Do you burp him?"

Burp? Do I burp ... no, wait, seriously, did you just ask me that? Do I BURP him? Are you seriously wondering if I have forgotten to do something as simple as that, something that crappy 12 year old babysitters know to do? I am at a hospital, for the second time, having tests done and perhaps in the nearly four months of this child's life his misery is merely caused by my not burping him after feeding?

Now I know that there may be people that dense out there, but by the point in time that I have had a doctor order tests like this, again our second time here and she knew that, donchya think that maybe someone has asked me that one already? Perhaps that little gem has already been brought up?

You can file that question it right between "you don't eat spicy stuff do you?" (since he is breastfed) and "you don't lay him down right after he's eaten, right?"

But let me go ahead and answer for the sake of assuaging your brilliant mind, yes, I burp him. At least 4 times per feeding. And yeah, he still spits up, still refluxes, still gags, still chokes, and still writhes and arches because heartburn hurts like a mutha. And this is on twice daily meds.

I didn't say that, I think all I managed to get out was "um, yeah" because I was a bit worried I would say more as I was already annoyed I was waiting for the radiologist to stop chatting with another doctor while Nurse Brilliant peppered me with helpful questions like that all while Thing 2 was papoosed to the table.

But the other nurse in the room -- her name was Rose, she was smart and sweet enough to get real-name treatment -- decided that she was going to make up for Nurse Brilliant's momentary idiocy (in all fairness I can't be sure it was momentary) and went and told the doctor to move her leaden apron along while calling over her shoulder:

"Of course she burps him, does she look like an idiot?!"

Nurse Brilliant didn't answer that one. Smart move hun.

*I say "just" reflux because anyone who has ever dealt with a baby who has true reflux issues knows that saying "just reflux" implies it isn't that big of a deal. Saying just suggests that a response of "oh, is that all" may be appropriate, and in this case that response would not be appropriate. Go ahead, dare you to ask the sleep taxed emotional wreak of a mother that such infant's have if reflux is no biggie. That should go well.

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